what am i supposed to do now?

Thread Topic: what am i supposed to do now?

arwen
Sugar Land, TX
Joined: Feb 24, 09
Status Level: 2
2009-05-20 13:17:38
it made me feel like s--- once when my ex who i dated for two years and who took my virginity totally called me up and said his new girl was better than me. we were eachothers first love, and he only knew this bitch for like a month and a half. :( it sucked. i got over it, but i love him still, and i always will. he was my first for everything. we saw eachother the other day, and i wanted to get back together, and seeing as how it my fault that we never did before, he got over it long ago, and now im stuck with second best... always. i didnt sleep for like a week. anyone got any advice? i know thats my thing, but i never know what to do for myself. we broke up a year ago. theres no way this is not true love. we dated other people, i even ended up cheating on him when we dated but he did too, but never can i stop thinking of him. help!
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singingteacher
Brighton, TN
Joined: Apr 14, 09
Status Level: 2
2009-05-20 17:51:45
Oh Arwen, you won't be able to let go as long as you think it is true love. Only you can come to that conclusion and it takes time. Like I posted on the other forum, you Will find someone better for you and it will make the other pale in comparison. If you both cheated, then it wasn't real love. You probably don't want to hear that but it is the truth. You long for an ideal that isn't reality. That is why you can't stop thinking about him. Our memories and conscious tend to forget all the bad things and almost saint the good things. Give it time...
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happygolucky44
Omaha, NE
Joined: Mar 27, 09
Status Level: 2
2009-05-20 18:34:22
Hey I seconded Singing, You have to let time pass and allow others to enter your life. Please don’t label all new comers as “second best”! You never knew what is around the coroner – I knew that’s cliché, but it is so true.


It feels weird to say! But I have some years on you. I have been in complete and total “love” twice in my life after years of being in the relationship. In both we were “perfect for eachother” and everyone else said so. I was able to rationalize every reason we would make it, and each time I was convinced I had found the won to marry. Both ended, by disloyalty, and just plain weirdness – too the point that I didn’t know the person anymore. This metamorphosis left me sleepless and, for lack of a better term, clingy. I clinged to the person I once knew without seeing who they had become.


My point is this: In both cases I was prepared to marry the girl! In both cases it took years to get over them. In both cases I could never see them in any other light then the true love who got away. Essentially I was struck by lighting twice! Retrospectively I am so glad things didn’t work out, I can see now why we would have never made it. Because of these experiences, even though they where incredibly painful at the time, have given me the insight, and maturity to get even closer to finding the perfect women for me.


I mention all this because the person you are still in love with has changed. Perhaps you where to blame as you state, but he left with ease – it wasn’t all you. In fact he goes out of his way to hurt you, in what world do you deserve that! Singing Teacher is very right…you both cheated on eachother, again, in what world is that called love! I think you know the answer, I have read it, and that is the third variable. You need a change of pace, to meet others, and grow outside of your chemically induced “love”!


Do what you will with this, and I know Singing Teacher has given you great advice. Its up to you to hear it. And yes I know you will say that “we don’t know that whole story”, and that there are “these little things that I couldn’t explain”, but I have said that too, and have been the recipient of the same advice I am now giving to you….itll be hard to hear – I sure didn’t listen! -, but if you can hear it, it will save you some grief and time!



BTW the truest words given to you today are: "you Will find someone better for you and it will make the other PALE in comparison" this is so true! amazingly true.
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singingteacher
Brighton, TN
Joined: Apr 14, 09
Status Level: 2
2009-05-21 15:45:04
It is amazing what people can deal with and learn from once we let go of that ideal, isn't Happy? Arwen, I am praying for you. Both Happy and I are older, had different experiences, and have come out stronger because of them. Don't waste your time remembering or life, real life, will pass you by and then all you will have are regrets. Like Happy and I both have said, it is hard to hear but listening will make it easier.
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arwen
Sugar Land, TX
Joined: Feb 24, 09
Status Level: 3
2009-05-27 10:55:43
ok...well happy already knows whats actually been going on lately with my men problem, but to sum it up, i started dating three guys at the same time, trying to find someone i could actually be happy with but not able to control myself. i have currently not told any of them, and i have yet to dump them although i know i have to do it. i seriously think one of them could make me really happy for a really long time, if not for ever, cuz i dont believe in love forever anymore. the advice was really good, and i actually tok it to heart, as most people wont. i have had alot of time to meditate on this all and i am begining to see a change in me that i know i wont be able to stop. im growing up, and it scares the s--- out of me but it has to be done.
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singingteacher
Brighton, TN
Joined: Apr 14, 09
Status Level: 2
2009-05-27 17:07:57
I am glad that you are finding what you really want. But you are also right, you need to be honest with the guys in your life, especially the one who could make you happy. In this, honesty is important.
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arwen
Sugar Land, TX
Joined: Feb 24, 09
Status Level: 3
2009-05-27 19:12:19
well yeah. it sucks majorly. but i just told them, and the guy i actually think i could be happy with is mad, but understanding and is not gonna leave as long as i stay honest. he gave me major respect for telling him at all. the other two just called me a whore and hung up. i hate drama
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TalentWasted
Tacoma, WA
Joined: May 4, 09
Status Level: 1
2009-05-28 01:38:46
Everyone hates drama, but like with everything, it just takes time, Things will work out for the best, the usually do in most cases, just try to keep you head held high and keep moving foreward :)
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singingteacher
Brighton, TN
Joined: Apr 14, 09
Status Level: 2
2009-05-28 17:32:25
Talent is right, Arwen, "things will work out for the best." The guy who respects you is definitely a keeper. Drama adds spice to life but not that kind of drama. Tell them, if they ever try to talk to you, that you aren't part of a Soap Opera, but they should be.
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arwen
Joined: Feb 24, 09
Status Level: 3
2009-06-03 08:38:33
:(
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singingteacher
Joined: Apr 14, 09
Status Level: 2
2009-06-03 15:28:50
What's the frowny face for?
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arwen
Joined: Feb 24, 09
Status Level: 3
2009-06-03 15:42:47
no no drama... no no no no drama... lol
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Desert RN
Joined: Jun 9, 09
Status Level: 1
2009-06-09 22:46:32
*hugs*

At least he didn't tell you, "I still love you, but I don't want to be married to you anymore."

That's what mine did.. and we didn't cheat on each other. =/
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singingteacher
Joined: Apr 14, 09
Status Level: 3
2009-06-09 23:07:19
Ouch. That would make it worse. Welcome to the forums Desert RN. We look forward to seeing you often.
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arwen
Joined: Feb 24, 09
Status Level: 3
2009-06-17 00:15:27
no, i was engaged to him though... it was sad. we ended up trying again, btw. didnt work out

desert, dont let a man define who u are. i know it sounds silly coming from me, yeah i cant take my own advice, but still, a man is not ur keeper, u are. anyone who says differently is a dousche. elenor rosevelt (i know, spelling is off)) even said that no one can hurt u unless u let them. its a choice to let the ones who are that dear to us hurt us, and we let them because we love them so much. there is nothing u can do, no matter what everyone says about how to get over a relationship. giving it time will NOT help, it only might if it is right for the persoin. but i think u are strong enough to move through the pain this as*hole has given u and find a man who u deserve. a better man, who can love and treat u right. time doesnt heal, nothing does except ur acceptance of the pain and learning to make it shape who u are, and not let it break u
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